So the eHarmony adventure has proven to be interesting so far. To date, I have received 39 matches. Of those matches 21 have been closed. (For the record, of the closed matches, I only actually closed two of them.) Of the 21 closed matches, the majority of them were for reason “Other”.
Now, let’s have a little moment of honesty, shall we? Perhaps we should hold hands and bow heads. Perhaps not. But let’s get real… we all know what “other” means. It means “I looked at your picture and am some dregree of repulsed but I lack the balls to tell you that so I’m going to say other”.
Now, I closed one match for reason “Other”. And I will tell you right now, it had nothing to do with the man’s face. It was because there was no secret option for “You are a biking nut and I don’t even know how to ride one. That is going to be a giant problem so I’m just going to get out now before either one of us ever knows the difference.” Yeah… see? Other applied.
On the upshot, I made it through the voodoo matching process with one (count that, ONE out of 39) person and have reached “open communication”. Want to take bets on whether or not we make it to an actual date?
In my perfect little vision of the world, it will be easy to tell when (and if) I have found a potential life partner. I will magically realize that this person is different from all those who came before. Like pieces of a puzzle fitting together, it will just be right. And one of the ways I will know it’s right is because it will be easy.
Now don’t think I have taken too much cough medicine… I’m not high. I know any relationship requires work and I know nothing will be flawless. So just relax over there.
I’m saying that in the beginning, things should be simple. And for the most part, it should be easier than not. The beginning of my relationship with this potential mate will not be marked by trouble or tears or potential heartbreak. It will be that fuzzy glowy honeymoon stage everyone always talks about. And while I’ll know he isn’t perfect, I may just forget once in a while.
But today, I don’t know. Am I being unrealistic? Is everything a struggle of sorts? How long should this fabled honeymoon stage last? And should it really be struggle-free?
Anymore, I’m not sure. Because I’m 32 years old and I’ve never just had it easy. I don’t remember any of these mystical honeymoon phases in my life. (Not even on my actual honeymoon. Which is probably just sad.) I don’t remember things ever being easy.
So here is my question to you, gentle readers. Is it ever really easy? Is there really a blissed out phase where nothing is just an obstacle to be dealt with? Can the beginning of a relationship be simple without either party indulging in some serious delusion? I need to know.
The No. 1 Relationship Mistake You Can Fix in the New Year
The No. 1 Relationship Mistake You Can Fix in the New Year
Description
An article on Loveawake by marriage expert Kevin Bullard of Marriage Works! says if your marriage is missing emotional intimacy, then it won’t survive. I agree, but there is something just as important, if not more important, that comes before emotional intimacy. If you don’t figure this out, and end this relationship killer, then emotional intimacy will never even have a chance to exist in your relationship.
When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, over 13 years ago, she had those pregnant woman cravings. Her desire for certain foods, weird combination of foods, and food in general got to be pretty serious. One particular (late) night she had a craving for a sandwich from a restaurant called Frisch’s.
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As a kid she loved the Big Boy from Frisch’s, but hadn’t eaten one in years. She hadn’t even thought of one in years. One of the reasons she hadn’t eaten, nor thought of a Frisch’s Big Boy is there were only two in the entire metropolitan area of Indianapolis where we live. And they were no where close to where we lived. I say it was at least a 50 minute drive from our home, but I could be exaggerating (because I need to build my case).
Well, this cold night/early morning she wanted one out of the blue! So, she asked me to go get one. She asked me to drive “out of town” to get her a Frisch’s Big Boy sandwich because she had this pregnancy craving. I wish I could say my answer was yes, and I joyfully drove to Frisch’s and brought her back a delicious Big Boy, which she thoroughly enjoyed. But I’d be lying as my answer was a flat out “No!”
Why didn’t I go? The only answer I can give is I was selfish. At the time I didn’t even realize it. Yes, it was a long drive. Yes, it was late. And maybe she could have eaten something else and been satisfied. But honestly, at that time, I was pretty immature and selfish, and I may not have even gone around the corner.
From time to time this experience comes up in conversation, and my wife playfully beats me up about it. I always act like I was right and she was asking too much. But quietly I wish I would have gone to Frisch’s that night. I wish I would have made the selfless choice and went and got my baby a Big Boy just because she asked. But I didn’t. I’ve heard many stories of guys going out of there way to do something for their wives or significant others, and I’m like “Dang! Why, not me?”
But it can be me — if I become more selfless. I realize if I continued to be selfish in our relationship, then we probably wouldn’t be married today. We wouldn’t have achieved the emotional intimacy needed to keep a fire going in our marriage.
My experience can help you out as well. If you want your marriage to last, then learn from me. Choose the selfless actions, not the selfish actions. Put your spouse before you, and allow that to be the catalyst for emotional intimacy, which will keep your relationship living, breathing, and on fire.
Question: What else should you leave before going into the New Year?
